The mind has a strange way of dealing with drastic changes in your life. Once something bad happens, your brain gets filled with good memories that make you feel even worse, you get disillusioned. The best way to deal with change is to accept it and grow with it, and forgive whatever mess happened in between. We all act irrationally in the heat of the moment, but it is how you deal with things after that matters the most. Those who mind don’t matter and those who matter, don’t mind. Better to accept things as they come and not try to change things that are out of your control.
We all need to grow up sometimes and we grow up as a result of changes. When growing up cannot be done in a constrained environment, the environment has to change. A person needs to make their own mistakes in order to grow. Most people cannot grow from other people’s lessons, that is why forgiveness is important. People have to make their own mistakes. Over time, clarity is given back to us and so that we can deal with bigger and better things to come.
I have stayed off my blog and YouTube for a while, not because I felt uninspired, but because I thought that I was wasting my time. I wondered if I am maybe just not good with the camera or I don’t have good original content.
A friend of mine, created a YouTube channel and got 500 subscribers within 3 weeks, while I have had my channel for 4 years and 500 would be an amazing milestone for me. As much as I enjoy my YouTube channel and making videos or writing blog posts, there are so many people out there doing what I do but a thousand times better.
However, I realised today that it doesn’t matter whether my blog (or a video) is seen by a thousand people or one person. Its about doing this for myself and doing it for the right people who are interested in the content that I put out there.
But also my exams start in 5 days and I have been quite busy revising. So once they are out of the way, I want to focus on this properly.
When you don’t have a home, it is hard to feel homesick. I’m currently staying at a family friend’s before I have to move to university on Sunday and all of my friends have already gone to study their courses all over the country. Everything around me is changing and I can’t do anything about it but watch and wait.
Ever since my mum got a job, I’ve been on the move. From one country to another, I’ve changed schools, my friends and everything about me. Moving gives you a chance to reinvent yourself to be a better you but at the same time you end up learning more about yourself. You get the chance to forget about the past and move on quicker from the crap you’ve had to deal with.
A change of surroundings has always resulted in good things for me, therefore I usually look forward to new experiences. It would explain my habit of trying strange sounding dishes at restaurants or buying clothes that I know I’d never usually wear (I never end up wearing them anyway…) However this time it feels really different. For the first time in life, I don’t have my mum by my side to help me and I am really scared.
My mum and I have always been like a little team, ever since 1999 we lived alone for almost six years and she’s been extra protective and caring. I genuinely couldn’t ask for a better start in life. She risked everything for me, spending most of her wages on my wants and needs. This is the time to get my degree, hopefully get a good job and pay her back. Not that I feel like I need to, but because I want to. It is pressurising, but it is bound to be as it is the pressure that I have decided to put on myself.
The prospect of having to find a job as soon as I get to university in order to sustain my lifestyle and having to do everything for myself is daunting. Despite that, I think everyone gets pre-uni nerves and once I’m there it will be totally different. I am anxious to start this new chapter in my life but it couldn’t be worse than sitting around and waiting for it to happen.