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Blogging is a selfish act. Most people who keep a blog, do it for themselves – in order to catch up with their feelings and emotions. It has been a long time since I have written anything and I think it may have something to do with the fact that, like most people, I don’t like confronting reality during difficult times. However, today is the day that I sit down in this hot May weather, with a cold iced drink and discuss my fears and worries about post-uni life.

Finishing has been difficult. I first noticed that something wasn’t right when I came out of my last exam crying – a lot. Not because it went badly or because I was going to miss university. I was just physically and emotionally overwhelmed. I was revising so hard for my exams that when they finished, I felt like I didn’t have a purpose anymore. For the past weeks my mind has been clouded with the same things over and over again. I keep thinking “What if my grades don’t reflect the hard work I put in?” or “what if I end up with nothing to do after university?” I’m also terrified of feeling lonely in London and losing my independence when I’m living with my family over the summer.

These thoughts keep whirring around in my head and I have the horrible feeling of butterflies in my stomach. I seem to have forgotten about all the great plans I’ve made over the summer and instead keep focusing on problems I’ve made up in my head. I know it’s really pointless worrying about things that haven’t happened yet, which is why I need to turn my positive thinking cap on and just try to look at the upsides to the next couple of months – even if it pains me to.

My worry is being caused by uncertainty and I just need to try ride it out and make the most of every moment, because I don’t want to miss having fun due to being so worried about my future. It’s important to keep reminding yourself that it’s okay to feel like this, as uncertainty during the transition of graduation into adulthood isn’t meant to be easy.

As I’ve been going a hundred miles an hour for the last couple of months, it feels weird to give up my responsibilities in order to focus on my degree and I can certainly feel myself struggling to let go. I’ve pretty much handed over my position as Editor-in-chief of The Tab Warwick and it feels really weird not being in charge.

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Being an editor has turned me into a super organised control freak and strangely enough, I enjoyed the constant pressure of being on top of everything. Now that’s gone, it feels like there’s something missing from my life and I feel extremely unproductive.

I’ve had the best year managing a team of extremely talented people and I could not be more confident in the fact that they will go on to do great things in the coming year. Although, I’ve handed over the position, I’m still very much looking to write for The Tab and spend more time writing for other publications.

There are only a few months left until my university journey comes to an end and the pressure is at an all time high. I’ve got into City for the Interactive Journalism course, although I still need to get a 2:1 to actually go. So, in the next few weeks I will need to work on my dissertation and focus on revising for my exams to keep above the 60 mark.

I’m currently in Kazakhstan (the only time I find myself writing is when I’m at home), so I am catching up on all the lost sleep from second term, trying to reflect on the past few months and mentally prepare myself for the month to come. It seems weird to think that it’s all coming to an end, so I just need to get it together and make the most my time as an Undergraduate.

It’s been exactly two weeks since I’ve moved to Venice for a ten week study abroad and in this blog I’m going to tell you about my first week.

Venice is beautiful. I came here ignorantly thinking that it was just a cliché tourist spot, but I was proven wrong the second that I stepped of the water bus. Dragging my completely overpacked suitcase, I set off to find my new accommodation. When the landlady met us and welcomed us into her home, we knew that we’ve been really luck with our flat. Not only was it well equipped, it was huge as well – perfect for dinner parties.

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The following morning we had to meet at the university for 10am. Even though we were warned on multiple occasions that we were bound to get lost and had to set off early, we didn’t leave much time to get to the location and obviously got lost. Arriving 30 minutes late into the introductory talk, we basically missed the whole thing.img_0249

Afterwards we had our first Venetian coffee break in a cafe near the university. With no Italian skills whatsoever, I tried to order a sandwich and a green tea. The baristas seemed really annoyed at our lack of Italian and overall it wasn’t the most pleasant encounter. Straight away, I felt to go home and learn the basic phrases.img_0252

We spent the next couple of days exploring the city and having introductory lectures to our new modules. I actually had a change of heart and decided to switch from the Renaissance module to the Contemporary one that focuses on the architecture of exhibitions.img_0253

Venice is a small place, it’s easy to get lost because everywhere looks similar with the tiny alleyways and gelato shops. Having lived in London, I also thought that I could deal with crowds of people, but because the streets are so small, going somewhere when you’re in a rush can turn into a stressful experience. img_0256

Overall, I am delighted that I’m experiencing Venice with the loveliest people from my course. We’ve also had the chance to mingle with the History students that are studying the Renaissance, who all seem really interesting.img_0260

The first week mainly involved me eating a lot of scrumptious food (that I didn’t take a pictures of!) and exploring the city. Even the tomatoes that you buy in the supermarket taste divine. I’ve never had vegetables that oozed so much flavour.

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It’s weird, I really struggled in the first week. I never ever get homesick because I’ve lived without my family in the country for two years now, but I think not having a routine or being able to recognise the surroundings in Venice knocked me off my balance a bit. img_0278-1

For a couple of days, I woke up with that horrible empty feeling in my stomach that I used to get when I was little and was missing my mum while she was away on work trips. I was just really missing my housemates, friends from home and most importantly my family.

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Eventually though, with each day I felt less and less homesick. I only have ten weeks on this beautiful island, so I drilled it in my head that I have to make the most of this incredible opportunity.