Blogging is a selfish act. Most people who keep a blog, do it for themselves – in order to catch up with their feelings and emotions. It has been a long time since I have written anything and I think it may have something to do with the fact that, like most people, I don’t like confronting reality during difficult times. However, today is the day that I sit down in this hot May weather, with a cold iced drink and discuss my fears and worries about post-uni life.
Finishing has been difficult. I first noticed that something wasn’t right when I came out of my last exam crying – a lot. Not because it went badly or because I was going to miss university. I was just physically and emotionally overwhelmed. I was revising so hard for my exams that when they finished, I felt like I didn’t have a purpose anymore. For the past weeks my mind has been clouded with the same things over and over again. I keep thinking “What if my grades don’t reflect the hard work I put in?” or “what if I end up with nothing to do after university?” I’m also terrified of feeling lonely in London and losing my independence when I’m living with my family over the summer.
These thoughts keep whirring around in my head and I have the horrible feeling of butterflies in my stomach. I seem to have forgotten about all the great plans I’ve made over the summer and instead keep focusing on problems I’ve made up in my head. I know it’s really pointless worrying about things that haven’t happened yet, which is why I need to turn my positive thinking cap on and just try to look at the upsides to the next couple of months – even if it pains me to.
My worry is being caused by uncertainty and I just need to try ride it out and make the most of every moment, because I don’t want to miss having fun due to being so worried about my future. It’s important to keep reminding yourself that it’s okay to feel like this, as uncertainty during the transition of graduation into adulthood isn’t meant to be easy.