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Blogging is a selfish act. Most people who keep a blog, do it for themselves – in order to catch up with their feelings and emotions. It has been a long time since I have written anything and I think it may have something to do with the fact that, like most people, I don’t like confronting reality during difficult times. However, today is the day that I sit down in this hot May weather, with a cold iced drink and discuss my fears and worries about post-uni life.

Finishing has been difficult. I first noticed that something wasn’t right when I came out of my last exam crying – a lot. Not because it went badly or because I was going to miss university. I was just physically and emotionally overwhelmed. I was revising so hard for my exams that when they finished, I felt like I didn’t have a purpose anymore. For the past weeks my mind has been clouded with the same things over and over again. I keep thinking “What if my grades don’t reflect the hard work I put in?” or “what if I end up with nothing to do after university?” I’m also terrified of feeling lonely in London and losing my independence when I’m living with my family over the summer.

These thoughts keep whirring around in my head and I have the horrible feeling of butterflies in my stomach. I seem to have forgotten about all the great plans I’ve made over the summer and instead keep focusing on problems I’ve made up in my head. I know it’s really pointless worrying about things that haven’t happened yet, which is why I need to turn my positive thinking cap on and just try to look at the upsides to the next couple of months – even if it pains me to.

My worry is being caused by uncertainty and I just need to try ride it out and make the most of every moment, because I don’t want to miss having fun due to being so worried about my future. It’s important to keep reminding yourself that it’s okay to feel like this, as uncertainty during the transition of graduation into adulthood isn’t meant to be easy.

As I’ve been going a hundred miles an hour for the last couple of months, it feels weird to give up my responsibilities in order to focus on my degree and I can certainly feel myself struggling to let go. I’ve pretty much handed over my position as Editor-in-chief of The Tab Warwick and it feels really weird not being in charge.

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Being an editor has turned me into a super organised control freak and strangely enough, I enjoyed the constant pressure of being on top of everything. Now that’s gone, it feels like there’s something missing from my life and I feel extremely unproductive.

I’ve had the best year managing a team of extremely talented people and I could not be more confident in the fact that they will go on to do great things in the coming year. Although, I’ve handed over the position, I’m still very much looking to write for The Tab and spend more time writing for other publications.

There are only a few months left until my university journey comes to an end and the pressure is at an all time high. I’ve got into City for the Interactive Journalism course, although I still need to get a 2:1 to actually go. So, in the next few weeks I will need to work on my dissertation and focus on revising for my exams to keep above the 60 mark.

I’m currently in Kazakhstan (the only time I find myself writing is when I’m at home), so I am catching up on all the lost sleep from second term, trying to reflect on the past few months and mentally prepare myself for the month to come. It seems weird to think that it’s all coming to an end, so I just need to get it together and make the most my time as an Undergraduate.

At the beginning of 2016, I set myself the goal of visiting five new countries, which I did! It’s been a hell of a year, but I am so grateful to be able to have travelled to so many places last year.

Okay, technically I DID actually visit eight countries, but because Jordan was my second home, I didn’t count that as a new place. In the future, I hope to do a #ThrowbackTravel series, as I didn’t get to blog anything from my travels this year and I would like to write about the most memorable moments from each trip.

Ireland

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I went to Dublin on a Lacrosse tour, which was a lot of fun. There was a fair amount of walking and pub-crawling involved. I loved the city, it was beautiful.

Jordan

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I’ve visited Jordan a few times last year, because my family lived there until September 2016.  It was so, so sad to be leaving as I grew to love the country a lot and the friendly people there. I long for the days of being back in beautiful Amman.

Germany

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It was my fourth (or fifth?) time in Germany and once more, I went to visit my cousin Nilufar. I also saw another cousin called Camilla, that I haven’t seen for almost twelve years! We chilled in Berlin for a couple of days, as well as going to Hamburg for a day.

Hungary

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It was my second time in Budapest and this time round, I definetely appreciated it more. It is such a beautiful city, it’s cheap and there is so much to do! I really enjoyed riding around in a five-man bike in the little island park on the Danube.

Denmark

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Straight after Budapest, I went to Copenhagen. My friends and I stayed in the nicest Ai b’n’b and visited all the sights. I loved how chilled Copenhagen was, the people were very sweet and the best part about it was that I knew a lot about the art during and after The Danish Golden Age. I definetely plan on going back again.

Ukraine

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This was a spontaneous trip with my mum. She had a conference in Kiev, so I decided to join her. I was only there for two nights, but we saw all the main churches and monuments. I was astonished by the beauty of the city, it’s truly a wonderful place.

Italy

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The term abroad in Italy was one of the best trips of my life, if you know me, it’s all I’ve spoken about. This picture is of the Vatican City. For more about my term abroad, click here.

Kazakhstan

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I’m currently typing from Almaty, in Kazakhstan, because that’s where my family have moved. I haven’t seen much of the city so far as it is so snowy. I’ve been to a few restaurants and a shopping centre and was absolutely shocked at how much effort everyone makes with their appearance here! I felt so out of place when I went shopping with my parents. The weirdest thing about it, is how close to home it is.